20141001: Horror Review--Kill Zombies

Kill Zombie! (Zombibi)

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. Dutch live action feature length film, 2012, NR, 85 minutes, horror, zombies, comedy.  Spoken word is in Dutch; subtitles in English.
2. IMDB: 4.9/10.0 from 825 audience ratings. Estimated budget: 500,000 euros.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No score yet,' and 24% liked it from 47 audience ratings.
4. Directed by: Martijn Smits, Erwin van der Eshof.
5. Starring: Yahya Gaier as Aziz, Mimoun Ouled Radi as Mo, Gigi Ravelli as Kim, Sergio Hasselbaink as Jeffrey, Uriah Arnhem as Nolan, Noel Deelen as Joris.


2. Setup and Plot
1. Aziz works in a grinding office job in the Netherlands.  His boss is a pain, but tall and attractive Tess seems to like him.  Perhaps life is OK on the balance, or is this the high point for Aziz?


2. Aziz loses his job due to his brother Mo, then considers starting a new business with the same brother.  At that point, six minutes into the film, my respect for the protagonist dropped to zero.  Since the film is purportedly a comedy, I kept watching.


3. The fired Aziz goes to the party from which Mo got him fired.  Mo proceeds to anger the host of the party, a black drug dealer.  The host sets two of his lackeys on the brothers; a fight ensues and all four are arrested.  In holding cells, they witness some of Officer Kim's dexterity.


4. The next morning, the cell doors open.  The four jailed ones venture out to discover a landscape littered with the outcomes of fights between zombies and normals.  Aziz starts into his voicemail, and notes a couple of calls from Tess.  She implores him to come rescue her from the building where the space station fragment stuck that started the zombie outbreak.


5. That is the end of the setup that might be different from a few other zombie films.  The bulk of the film concerns the attempt by Aziz to rescue Tess within the zombie apocalypse.  The ending was not worth waiting for.


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: A bad, unfunny zombie comedy from the Netherlands.
2. One of ten.  Two black holes for SFX and acting.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 4/10 I have seen worse.  However, the SFX were truly poor.


2. Sound: 0/10 Pointless.  The subtitles, I think, were roughly accurate.


3. Acting: 0/10


4. Screenplay: 2/10 Derivative at best.  Substitute USA (or UK) for Netherlands, and you've got any of a hundred or so other zombie films.  Also, if I am watching a comedy, I like to laugh at least once; this did not happen.

20140613: Horror Review--World War Z

World War Z

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. American live action feature length film, 2013, UR, 122 minutes (long cut), horror, zombies.
2. IMDB: 7.1/10.0 from 300,721 audience ratings.  Estimated budget, 190 million USD.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 67% on the meter; 73% liked it from 295,125 audience ratings.
4. Directed by: Marc Forster.
5. Starring: Brad Pitt as Gerry Lane, Mireille Enos as Karin Lane, Daniella Kertesz as Segen, James Badge Dale as Captain Speke, Ludi Boeken as Jurgen Warmbrunn, Matthew Fox as parajumper, Sterling Jerins as Constance Lane, Abigail Hargrove as Rachel Lane, Fana Mokoena as Thierry Umutoni.


2. Setup and Plot
1. Parents Gerry and Mireille have a nice life, and the day starts normally.  While taking their two daughters Constance and Abigail to school, the normal seeming traffic jam mutates into a full-blown disaster.  They encounter full-fledged zombies who are very fast and very strong.  The time interval between a zombie's bite and the victim turning seems to be about 12 seconds.


2. Gerry is a former UN investigator/facilitator who got people or information out of hotspots around the world, often with help from US Special Forces of one sort or another.  So the US/UN extracts him and his family after he makes his way to New Jersey.  The escape from the zombies is close, and young Tomas helps them in the final steps.  Tomas gets extracted with Gerry's family.


3. Gerry is sent to North Korea with an epidemiologist.  This does not go well, but Gerry does meet a CIA agent who gives him the next clue: the Israelis seem to be succeeding in repelling the zombies.  So Gerry and the elite military go to Israel.  On the way, they see a nuclear explosion in the far distance, and Gerry's contact with Karin is broken by the EMP.


4. Israel's wall worked, more or less, but they did not understand that zombies are attracted by noise.  Celebratory songs amplified by a PA system incite the zombies to scale the 45 foot walls, one undead body over another.  Gerry does learn that zombies were detected in India well before the incidents in Korea.  He heads to India, even though he has been told in no uncertain terms that India is a 'black hole' in terms of information flux.  Gerry gets on the literal last plane out of Israel.  He loses his UN escort, but gains Segen, an Israeli soldier whose hand he cut off...to save her from becoming a zombie.


5. Gerry takes the Belarus flight that he is on to the last remaining airport open, which is in Cardiff, Wales, UK.  Unfortunately, a zombie hid himself on the plane's lavatory, and soon starts infecting people.  Gerry gets a new set of difficulties, including a plane crash and a metal spike through his gut.  He and Segen trudge forward.


6. Will Gerry make it to the WHO research facility?  Will the information, which he has expressed to no one, come to light, and be put to good use?  Will his family be safe?


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: Smart plot about fast zombies that convert humans quickly.
2. Four stars of five.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 7/10 Mostly excellent, though some of the dark fight scenes were


2. Sound: 8/10 No problems; though it might have been more effective for creepiness and suspense.


3. Acting: 10/10 Excellent.


4. Screenplay: 9/10 I liked it: action, suspense, quick thinking in difficult circumstances, and a plot that moved right along.  The final segments, concerning the workaround to the apocalypse, were quite fine.

20140427: Horror Review--Last Days on Mars

Last Days on Mars

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. British live action feature length film, 2013, rated R, 98 minutes, horror, zombies, scifi.
2. IMDB: 5.5/10.0 from 15,459 audience ratings. Spoken word is English.  Estimated budget, 7 million pounds sterling.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 20% on the meter; 26% liked it from 7,797 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 3.3/5.0 from 108,308 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: Ruairi Robinson.
6. Starring: Liev Schreiber as Vincent Campbell, Elias Koteas as Charles Brunel, Romola Garai as Rebecca Lane, Olivia Williams as Kim Aldrich, Johnny Harris as Robert Irwin, Goran Kostic as Marko Petrovic, Tom Cullen as Richard Harrington, Yusra Warsama as Lauren Dalby.


2. Setup and Plot
1. Opening set on Mars in Aurora Mission 2, toward the very end of the mission.  There's a sandstorm, elided time, then a scene with Vincent and Rebecca picking up Kim.  The ground crew and the orbiter had lost contact, but the radio link was re-established.


2. Marko and Tom go out to fix something that Marko left incomplete.  Kim, who is almost universally disliked, barges into Marko's computer files and discovers what seems to be clear evidence of active bacterial life.  At about the same time, there is a cave in right beneath Marko; he falls into a cavern.  The rest survey the situation, then return to base to get equipment to enter the hole safely.  Dalby stays behind at the accident site.


3. The group returns.  Vincent goes down and has a panic attack without finding Marko.  He's quite a mess when they bring him up.  In parallel, the team notices that two pairs to tracks are headed back to the base structures.  At the base, Kim and Richard prepare for Dalby and Marko to return.  Kim is concerned that communications was not established; Richard is in a hurry to let them in.


4. About 34 minutes in, the movie breaks.  It started out as a competent SciFi effort with good production values.  After the 34 minute mark, it becomes a zombie film and an elimination derby.  Zombie Marko apparently did not need a space suit, and he immediately kills Richard, who gets the alarm started before he dies.  Kim barely escapes while Brunel wards off Marko.  Brunel exits the airlock as well, but not before he gets a pick axe through his suit into his chest.


5. Vincent, Kim, Lane, Irwin, and the injured Brunel go to the hydroponics unit where there is air but no zombies.  When the skipper Brunel starts to turn zombie on the table where they are hoping to fix his wounds, one knows the prognosis for the group is dim.


6. Does anyone get back to Earth?  If they do, is that a good or a bad thing?


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: Neither SciFi nor zombie; watch at your own risk.
2. Three stars of five.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 5/10 Excellent pre-zombie, not so good post-zombie.


2. Sound: 5/10 Excellent pre-zombie, not so good post-zombie.


3. Acting: 7/10 Seemed absent during zombie rages, but was rather good otherwise. Without Liev Schreiber, I would not have finished it.  The others were competent, but had much less screen time as non-zombies.


4. Screenplay: 6/10 I quite liked the ending, but this was neither a good SciFi nor a good zombie offering.

20140417: Horror Review--Dead before Dawn

Dead before Dawn

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. Canadian live action feature length film, 2013, rated R, 89 minutes, horror.
2. IMDB: 4.9/10.0 from 2,105 audience ratings.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No score yet...' and 38% liked it from 272 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 3.2/5.0 from 60,021 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: April Mullen.  Written by: Tim Doiron.
6. Starring: Devon Bostick as Casper Galloway, Martha MacIsaac as Charlotte Baker, Christopher Lloyd as Horus Galloway, Brandon J. McLaren as Dazzle Darlington, Brittany Allen as Lucy Winthrop, Tim Doiron as Seth Munday, 


2. Setup and Plot
1. Casper has a traumatic experience as a child at his grandfather's curio shop.  He still has nightmares during college.  A particular vessel drops, his father catches it, and his father is transformed for the worse by it.


2. Casper is more than a bit on the wimpish side.  He agrees to mind the curio shop "Occult Barn" for his grandfather while the grandfather receives a lifetime award.  His friends drop by, and he lets them handle the vessel; this is something his grandfather explicitly forbid.  One of his friends drops the vessel and it breaks.


3. The lights go out.  The group makes up a curse, in great detail, then say they are done with the curse's rules.  The lights come back on.  The group agree to meet later to test it out.


4. So, if someone in the group looks directly into someone else's eyes after 10 pm, the targets kills themselves, then return as a mixture of demon and zombie, or zemon.  Unless they reverse the curse before dawn, the group itself will be cursed.


5. That evening, the number of mysterious deaths mount, but many of the 'dead' do not stay dead.  The group re-assembles, realises that they are in deep trouble, then arm themselves.  They go back to the Occult Barn, and tell Horus about the incident and the curse.  Unfortunately, they look Horus in the eyes, and he kills himself.


6. Will the group be able to use Horus' book to reverse the curse?  Will anybody in town be left as a normal human?


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: A film about rapid zombies without much humor or plot.
2. Two stars of five.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 5/10 Better than VHS quality, but not by much.  The SFX vary from mediocre to poor.


2. Sound: 6/10 I could hear the actors' voices and the incidental music, some of which was appropriate for a zombie comedy.


3. Acting: 3/10 Weak.  The three is mostly for Christopher Lloyd's short performance.


4. Screenplay: 2/10 Boring, not funny, not engaging.   The central idea of the curse was beyond stupid.

20140405: Horror Review--Germ Z

Germ Z

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. American live action feature length film, 2013, NR, 84 minutes, horror.
2. IMDB: 3.6/10.0 from 382 audience ratings.  Estimated budget, 500,000 USD.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No reviews yet...' and 0% liked it from 13 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 2.5/5.0 from 1,025 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: J. T. Boone, John Craddock.  Written by J. T. Boone.
6. Starring: Marguerite Sundberg as Brooke, Michael Flores as Max, Mark Chiappione as Stu, Beth Pratt as Karen, Zoe Miller as Steph, Bernard Setaro Clark as Davidson.


2. Setup and Plot
1. A meteor crashes into a satellite, which falls to Earth.  It releases a germ which causes cannibalism in its victims, including military responders and locals alike.


2. Parts of the satellite crash in the countryside in western New York.  Local firemen investigate, and find gooey stuff on satellite pieces.


3. About 25 minutes in, the first zombie appears.  Sigh.  There are lots of zombies who meet their ends from shotgun blasts at close range.


4. Will the outbreak be contained?  Will any of the early characters survive?  Will any explanation be given other than 'stuff happens?'


3. Conclusions
1. The 500,000 USD budget was not money well-spent.  I would only watch this again if I were paid a considerable amount of money.
2. One line summary: Space borne bacteria yield ultra-fast zombies.
3. One star of five.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 5/10 Occasional exposure mistakes, too many doses of shaky camera, way too much of the idiot biking in the woods while listening to her MP3 player.  Blood effects range from poor to terrible.  A woman barfs inside the deputy's cruiser, mostly onto the inside of the windshield.  In one shot it's yellow; in the next it's blue, but still yellow on her mouth.  The end credits were badly done.


2. Sound: 4/10 I could hear the dialog; this was a mixed blessing.  The music was very amateurish.  The plus 4 was mostly for the song during the end credits.


3. Acting: 0/10 Marguerite Sundberg, Michael Flores, and Mark Chiappione were irritating on the one hand, not interesting on the other hand. The actors who played the military were the worst.


4. Screenplay: 0/10 Close to the worst example of unrelenting bad dialog I've seen in the last year.  None of the characters were worth caring about.  The involvement of the military was of some importance at the beginning, then was dropped.  The ending was not much of an ending.

20140320: Horror Review--War of the Dead

War of the Dead

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. American/Lithuanian/Italian live action feature length film, 2011, NR, 86 minutes, horror, zombies, supernatural.  Spoken word is English with lots of dubbing.  Straight to video.
2. IMDB: 4.1/10.0 from 1,753 audience ratings.  Estimated budget, 1 million euros.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No reviews yet...' and 11% liked it from 185 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 3.1/5.0 from 95,684 audience ratings.
5. Written and directed by: Marco Maekilaakso.
6. Starring: Andrew Tierman as Captain Martin Stone, Jouko Ahola as Captain Niemi, Samual Vaurama as Kolya, Mikko Leppilampi as Lieutenant Laakso, Andreas Wilson as Assistant, Antti Reini as Sergeant Halonen.


2. Setup and Plot
1. In World War II, Finnish troops and American troops attempt to investigate a Nazi bunker that lies inside Germany.


2. After spending some time with Wikipedia, I see that there was little historical support for the idea of American and Finnish troops to be operating together against the Germans.  America was the ally of the Soviet Union.  Finland had been fighting the Russians off and on for about 150 years.  During most of World War II, the Finns were allied with the Nazis based in Norway and Germany against their longtime enemy, Russia.


3. So, the setup of the film is nonsense.


4. The 'action' scenes are boring or inept.


5. As a zombie film (the bunker in Germany supposedly contained experiments to re-animate the dead), this is a bust.  The main clue that a walking biped was a zombie was 'did we not already kill that one?' or words to that effect.  A few zombies had glazed over eyes.  The gloomy, heart wrenching threat one expects from the Zombie Apocalypse environment was absent.


3. Conclusions
1. Cheap jack zombie film with historical inaccuracy.
2. One line summary: Avoid this ersatz zombie film plus poor action film.
3. 1/10


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 3/10 Dark.  Poor camera angles.  Colour palettes so reduced as to be only slightly different than greyscale.


2. Sound: 4/10 Horrible accents.  Background music was not an asset.


3. Acting: 0/10 Terrible performances.


4. Screenplay: 0/10 There was a screenplay?  Where was the exposition of motivations?  There was a lot of stilted dialog that generated confusion.  The joint group just drifted from one disaster to the next.  The film seemed more of an elimination derby of nameless characters that were impossible to care anything about.

20140319: Horror Review--Infected

Infected

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. American live action feature length film, 2012, rated R, 94 minutes, action, horror, zombies.
2. IMDB: 2.9/10.0 from 756 audience ratings.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No reviews yet...' and 12% liked it from 72 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 2.8/5.0 from 78,433 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: Glenn Ciano.
6. Starring: Christy Romano as Kelly, Michael Madsen as Louis, William Forsythe as Dr. Dennehey, Tom DeNucci as Andrew, Johnny Cicco as Seth, Jeanine Kane as Angela, Tracey Sheldon as Hooker.


2. Setup and Plot
1. Louis and son Andrew attempt some bonding centered around deer hunting.  Dr. Dennehy is the local sawbones.  He's doing the same thing with his son Seth.


2. Things start to go to hell after one of Dennehey's patients (a friend's grandmother) bites him; the wound starts getting nasty.  Seth and Andrew bond over being embarrassed by their respective fathers, and over loving illegal firearms.


3. After granny goes missing, Louis, Dennehey, Andrew, and Kelly (the granddaughter) go looking for her.  The other youngsters get plowed, and Seth gets attacked by granny.


4. Things go downhill from there.


5. Will the authorities arrive and fix all this viral outbreak?


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: Terrible zombie film; two actors wasted.
2. One star of five.  Black hole for screenplay.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 5/10 Not so good.  There is too much fuzzy focus and failures with zooming.  Camera rotation I can always do without.  Zombie effects were on the poor side.


2. Sound: 3/10 The actors were usually miked OK, but not always.  The score/incidental sound varied between irrelevant to counterproductive.


3. Acting: 2/10 I've seen Michael Madsen give wonderful performances in several movies, but this was not one of them.  William Forsythe was a bit better (accounting for the two points).  The lesser players were just horrible.  Tracey Sheldon was pneumatic and decorative, but did not deliver lines well.


4. Screenplay: 0/10  Talking zombies?  Thinking zombies? A zombie who wins an argument with a normal healthy human being?  Zombies having telephone calls about uncashed checks and child custody?  ---  Horrible dialog.  Little internal logic.  A new Lyme disease that accounts for zombie behaviour?  I doubt it.

20140314: Horror Review--Cockneys vs Zombies

Cockneys vs Zombies

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. British live action feature length film, 2012, NR, 89 minutes, horror, comedy.
2. IMDB: 5.9/10.0 from 10,032 audience ratings. Estimated budget,
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 70% on the meter; 45% liked it from 6,807 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 3.4/5.0 from 107,823 audience ratings.
5. Written and directed by: Matthias Hoene.
6. Starring:  Rasmus Hardiker as Terry, Harry Treadaway as Andy, Michelle Ryan as Katy, Jack Doolan as Davey Tuppence, Georgia King as Emma, Ashley Thomas as Mental Mickey, Tony Gardner as Clive, Alan Ford as Ray, Honor Blackman as Peggy.


2. Setup and Plot
1. First thread: twenty somethings in the East End of London plan a bank robbery.  Second thread: two workers at a construction site discover a walled up site dating back to Oliver Cromwell.  They break in in order to steal whatever they can get.  Unfortunately, there is a still active zombie inside.  Third thread: one of the construction managers calls up his girlfriend at the bank.  They touch bases about a massive theft they have planned using bogus paperwork.  Fourth thread: a home for pensioners is being shut down, and the tenants will be shipped off soon.


2. The first and third threads collide soon in the film: the girlfriend thinks the bank robbers are her boyfriend's underlings come to pick up the three million plus pounds of cash.  The robbers do not have the correct paperwork, so she signals the police.  The amateur robbers finally get the bills ready to go to the getaway van, but the police are there.  Then the zombies show up.


3. Running in parallel, the second thread unleashed a zombie apocalypse.  The retirees are gathering to do regular activities, but the zombies trudge in on their neighborhood.  The bank robbers and the police are overtaken by the zombies.


4. The survivors from the bank try to get to the retirees.  Some of them have relatives at the retiree home.


5. So, who will survive this comedy of errors?  Will the apocalypse be controlled?


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: Relatively light hearted treatment of the zombie apocalypse in East London.
2. Three stars of five


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 8/10 Quite good.  There were places where gore and splatter were emphasized (whole frame) over other actions that show motivation, body English, reactions, and the like.


2. Sound: 7/10 No particular problems except for sound leveling on the music.


3. Acting: 6/10 It was good to see Honor Blackman again.  Except Harry Treadaway, no one was really bad in the film.  Several performances were pleasant.


4. Screenplay: 6/10 I did not expect the subordination to PC, but there it was.  If Michelle Ryan tries something, it always works.  If any of her male associates tries anything, it has a good chance of failure.  The criminal female bank employee seemed to get everything right, while her male superior got everything wrong.  Tiresome.  On the other hand, I got some laughs out of the film's dialog, and was glad to see family members actually caring about each other.

20140221: Horror Review--Zombie Night

Zombie Night

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. American live action feature length film, 2013, TV14, 88 minutes, horror, zombies.
2. IMDB: 3.4/10.0 from 351 audience ratings. Estimated budget, 1 million USD.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No scores yet,' and 8% liked it from 441 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 2.9/5.0 from 30,269 audience ratings.
5. Saw this on SyFy originally, and thought it set a low water mark for zombie films.
6. Directed by: John Gulager.
7. Starring: Anthony Michael Hall as Patrick, Darryl Hannah as Birdy, Alan Ruck as Joseph, Shirley Jones as Nana, Jennifer Taylor as Karin, Rachel G. Fox as Tracie Jackson.


2. Setup and Plot
1. The zombie apocalypse erupts in Pasadena, CA.  At least that is where this was filmed.  Supposedly it erupts everywhere else as well.


2. With a certain amount of courage, and ten times as much cowardice, some non-zombies try to survive the night.  One of the conceits of the film is that the zombies will go inactive come sunrise.


3. The humans proceed with variable success, but mostly failure, to live until sun up.  One wonders what will happen the next night.


4. How many will survive?


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: Gore aplenty, and five actors trapped in a terrible script.
2. One star of five.  One black hole for screenplay.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 8/10 Reasonable for a night picture.


2. Sound: 5/10 OK for the most part, but the anti-relevant sound track did not help.


3. Acting: 3/10 Shirley Jones was OK as an infirm old woman whose wailing caused another death, but her role was short.  Anthony Michael Hall, Darryl Hanna, Alan Ruck, and Jennifer Taylor were reasonable; given the script, that is.  With a decent script and an experienced director, any of these actors can give a nice performance.  In contrast, the other people who were filmed were not recognizable as actors.


4. Screenplay: 0/10 Wall to wall nonsense, and one of the worst zombie films I've ever seen.

20140129: Horror Review--Gallowwalkers

Gallowwalkers

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. American/British live action feature length film, 2013, rated R, 92 minutes, action, horror, zombies, thriller, zombies, Western.
2. IMDB: 3.7/10.0 from 3,615 audience ratings. Estimated budget: 17 million USD; aspect 2.35
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No score yet,' and 10% liked it from 638 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 2.9/5.0 from 201,729 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: Andrew Goth.  Written by: Andrew Goth and Joanne Reay.
6. Starring: Wesley Snipes as Aman, Riley Smith as Fabulos, Kevin Howarth as Kansa, Tanit Phoenix as Angel, Steven Elder as Apollo Jones.


2. Setup and Plot
1. Aman's mother was a nun.  To ensure her son's safety, she makes an unholy deal with a supernatural force.  As he grows up, he becomes an invincible gunman.  After his wife is raped, he goes for vengeance.  Unfortunately, anyone he kills comes back as a zombie.


2. That includes the group of five who raped his beloved.  Their leader is Kansa, who has kept his group together in the after the first death period.  Kansa is looking for the group that Aman's mother belongs to, and San Diablo, where they guard the gate between heaven and hell.  In the meantime, Kansa and his group gather up the defenseless to kill them to steal their skins and hair for their re-use.


3. After Kansa obtains a map to San Diablo, the climactic battle is setup.


4. Will the gate remain sealed?  Will the zombies ever be put down permanently?


3. Conclusions
1. Too many genres.
2. One line summary: Western zombie horror, oh my.
3. Three stars of five


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 8/10 Mostly fine.


2. Sound: 8/10 No problems.


3. Acting: 5/10 Wesley Snipes and Kevin Howarth were rather good, but Riley Smith and most of the others were not.


4. Screenplay: 6/10 The plot did not make a whole lot of sense, and had too much narration, but at least it moved from beginning to end.


5. SFX: 5/10 Not the best, often not convincing at all.

20131214: Horror Reviews--Chanbara Beauty

Chanbara Beauty: the Movie - Vortex

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. Japanese live action feature length film, 2009, NR, 88 minutes, action, horror, zombies.
2. IMDB: 4.7/10.0 from 182 audience ratings.  Spoken word is in Japanese; subtitles are in English.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No reviews yet, ' and 'No score yet.'
4. Netflix: 2.2/5.0 from 1,969 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: Tsuyashi Shoji.
6. Starring: Yu Tejima as Aya, Akari Ozawa as Saki, Youhei Hoshino as Ryo, Kaoru Yuki as Mimiko.


2. Setup and Plot
1. Derived from a related video game. Further, this is a sequel to the 2006 film, Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad.  We're pretty far down the road of turning the original concepts into mush.


2. The setting is post zombie apocalypse in Japan.  Zombie hunting sisters Aya and Saki lost their parents to kidnappers when they quite young, and somehow stayed alive to late teen and young adult ages.  They hear of a group led by Himiko, and a supposed method for bringing their parents back to life.


3. Saki is much more into the quest, and goes directly to meet Himiko.  Aya follows with Ryo, a young man from a zombie killer group they met along the way.  Aya and Ryo discuss 'Imchi blood' while walking.  When blood touches someone with Imchi blood, they become uncontrollable killing machines who slaughter friend and foe alike.  Himiko's target group is interested in obtaining Imchi blood.


4. Saki shifted allegiance to the group who kidnapped her parents, since she still believes they can be revived.  She has found their corpses, and the group has done some rituals with her blood.


5. During the conflicts, Himiko reveals that her use of Saki's blood was merely to fuel Himiko's desire for immortality.  Saki shifts allegiance back to her sister, and abandons the false hope of resurrection.


6. Will the sisters survive?  Will Himiko be put down permanently?


3. Conclusions
1. According to one IMDB reviewer, this film toggles between blood splatter and 'great wobbly massive hooters.'
2. One line summary: Desire for immortality drives the plot, not zombies.
3. Two stars of five.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 3/10 Has the same sort of stylized ugly as Sin City, only not as well done.  The 'blood on the lens' effect is way over used.  Many of the images are washed out by flare and overexposure artifacts.  Overall, colour seems to be washed out. Many passages are in grey and red: neither in colour nor in black and white.


2. Sound: 3/10 Amazingly irritating.  The background music volume level is generally much higher than that of the conversation.  The choice of music is rather like bad techno music from the 1970s.


3. Acting: 4/10 Saki dresses in a sailor suit.  Aya dresses in a costume reminiscent of Motoko Kusungai (草薙 素子) of Ghost in the Shell.  It is difficult to put much credence in such characters, and those two characters dominate the film.


4. Screenplay: 2/10 Himiko wants to live forever by obtaining special blood from Aya and Saki.  All the rest is filler.  Looks like about 10 minutes of plot stretched over 88 minutes.


5. B-movie zombie pack: 4/10
   1. Gore: 5/5 There is a lot of it, anyway.
   2. Zombie speed: fast
   3. Zombie appearance: 2/5 This is incredibly variable. Some zombies have almost no makeup, others have detailed makeup.  Go figure. 
   4. Zombie deaths 1/5: look suspiciously like vampire deaths in True Blood: solid bodies transform into constellations of blood spheres that immediately fall and splatter.
   5. Zombie relevance: 0/5 in this film, zombies are only an extra danger, and the cause of a lot of fighting.  The plot driver is Saki's desire to have her parents resurrected from the dead.

20131212: Horror Review--Zombie Hunter

Zombie Hunter

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. American live action feature length film, 2013, NR, 92 minutes, horror, zombies.
2. IMDB: 3.3/10.0 from 748 audience ratings.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No Reviews Yet...' and 8% liked it from 99 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 2.6/5.0 from 4,198 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: K. King
6. Starring: Danny Trejo as Father Jesus, Martin Copping as Hunter, Clare Niederpruem as Alison, Terry Guthrie as Jerry, Jade Reiger as Debbie, Jarrod Phillips as Bill, Jason K. Wixom as Ricky.


2. Setup and Plot
1. The film starts with a newscast about Natas, or sin, which is the new 'it' drug.  The government is taking steps.  The viewer watches the newscast being looked at by Natas users.


2. A year later, Hunter is out in the desert, killing the occasional zombie.  His Camaro breaks down from the blood and guts blocking his air intake.  Sigh.  He stops for gas, and ends up killing 8 zombies.  He has not seen another non-zombie ('survivor') for six months. Then someone shoots him while he's driving.  He and the car look pretty bad, but they drag him back to camp.


3. The small group gets to know one another.   Hunter and one of his new mates go out to assess the damage on his Camaro; they encounter zombies.  Soon the compound is attacked by zombies, including some sort of full-on mutant that looks like it was never a human.  This was a disaster.  Jesus dies taking out the lead monster.


4. Down the road, they run out of gas.  They all get sick from looking into a non-operational freezer.  Someone steals their truck, which sets up an ambush by a crazy with a chainsaw.  What was the setup for this?


5. Hunter, Alison, Ricky, and Jerry make it to the airfield, which is supposed to help them out, somehow.  Just where can they fly to that will be safe?


6. Do any of them get out alive?


3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: Bad acting plus a bad script; zombies were uninteresting.
2. One star of five.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 2/10 Endless, stupid, in-your-face filters.  Pink was my least favourite filter, but others were bad as well.  Otherwise, the picture was rather low in quality, say mid-range VHS. 


2. Sound: 6/10  Not too bad, but with wretched incidental music.


3. Acting: 2/10 Much to my disappointment, Danny Trejo's role was rather small, but that's where the +2 comes from.  The main character is played by Martin Copping, who is more than a little boring, irrelevant, out of tune with the other actors.  Clare Niederpruem was not a plus.  Jade Reiger was decorative, but not a great actress.  Jarrod Phillips gave one of the worst performances I've seen.  Terry Guthrie barely seemed present.


4. Screenplay: 1/10 Not much of a story, but it does have a beginning, middle, and an end.  The dialog is horrible, as is the internal logic of the story.  They stop because they are out of gas.  Someone steals the truck (how?).  Hunter recovers the truck; now it has gas.  Right.  Alison and Ricky are being chased by a fast guy with a chainsaw.  Alison: we've got to get going!  Ricky: I'm tired.


5. SFX: 2/10 Second/third rate. Bad zombie makeup, splatter effects, vomiting effects.  Blood shows up as pink, purple, orange, dark, and occasionally red.

20131212: Horror Review--Zonbi asu

Zonbi asu (Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead)

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. Japanese live action feature length film, 2011, NR, 85 minutes, zombies, horror. The spoken word is in Japanese; subtitles in English.  Aspect, 1.85
2. IMDB: 5.0/10.0 from 538 audience ratings.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No reviews yet...' and 100% liked it from 44 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 2.3/5.0 from 2,974 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: Noboru Iguchi.  Written by Noboru Iguchi and Tadayoshi Kubo.
6. Starring: Arisa Nakamura as Megumi, Mayu Sugano as Aya, Asana Mamoru as Maki.


2. Setup and Plot
1. Five Japanese teens go on a day trip in the woods in the mountains. Maki wants to find a tapeworm so she can stay thin for modeling purposes.  The others catch a trout which contains a tapeworm. Maki grosses everyone out by eating the tapeworm.  They encounter a zombie, who bites off a finger of Tak's hand.  They lose their van to a thief soon after.


2. They happen upon some old buildings, and Maki decides to use the outhouse.  While about her business, she is attacked from below by zombies.  Maki gets lost in the crowd.  Megumi leads the others to relative safety.  They fight the zombies, and ultimately get help from Dr Tanaka with a sick daughter Sachi.  He explains the transmission method, fish to animal to humans.  Tak is infected more directly by the zombie who bit his finger off.  The hatching eggs plus Tak's drug use cause the parasite to be quite upset; in this case, Tak's head explodes.  


3. Later, Megumi witnesses Tanaka beating a zombie to get him to throw up a parasite so that Sachi can take it down her throat.  Then the previous parasite exits.  Megumi lets out a startled sound in the middle of this.  Megumi and Tanaka have a talk; Megumi's friends walk in during this.  Tanaka explains that Sachi has leukemia, and that the parasites keep the disease in check.  In return, Tanaka supplies the parasites with hosts.  To further that end, he laced the spaghetti he fed them earlier with parasite eggs.


4. Will any of our heroes emerge alive from this nest of horrors?  Will Naoi (the nerdy boy of the group) ever get his courage?




3. Conclusions
1. One line summary: Yet another (quite gross) explanation of zombie origins.
2. One star of five


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 6/10 Too bright and washed out; sometimes soft focus and low contrast.


2. Sound/subtitles: 4/10 There are several sections where there are no subtitles.  This does not aid the understanding of the action of the film.


3. Acting: 2/10 Not much was required, and less was delivered.


4. Screenplay: 2/10 Floor sweepings.


5. Grossness: 10/10 This is from Tokyo Shock, after all.  Flatulence, tentacle penetration, excrement, vomiting, zombies, exchange of bodily fluids with zombies, ingestion of parasites.  Did I mention zombies?  Consumption of human flesh, dismemberment, gore, blood fountains; ugly, rotting, dead zombies; flies on zombies.  Alien parasites entering the beginning of the alimentary tract, and exiting the lower end.  Exploding heads, and flying via flatulence.

20131125: Horror Review--Helldriver

Nihon bundan: Heru doraibâ (Helldriver)

1. Fundamentals, reception.
1. Japanese live action feature length film, 2010, NR, 117 minutes, horror, zombie.  Spoken word is in Japanese; English subtitles.
2. IMDB: 5.3/10.0 from 783 audience ratings.  Estimated budget: 600,000 USD.
3. Rotten Tomatoes: 'No reviews yet,' 34% liked it from 318 audience ratings.
4. Netflix: 2.4/5.0 from 35,993 audience ratings.
5. Directed by: Yoshihiro Nishimura.
6. Starring: Yumiko Hara as Kika, Eihi Shiina as Rikka, Kazuki Namioka as Kaito, Yurei Yanagi as Taku.


2. Setup and Plot
1. An object from outer space strikes Hokkaido.  This kicks up a cloud of ash which makes people fall to the ground, only to rise again in an hour as zombies.


2. A large wall was erected across Honshu north of Tokyo to keep the zombies out.  Refugees flood Tokyo.


3. There's a banner: Protect the infected.  Support human rights.


4. Unfortunately, the infected eat the uninfected, but the government does not care.


5. The zombies have an odd shaped horn; the only way to put a zombie down permanently in this film is to cut off this horn.  Horns have psycho-active effects, so drug dealers collect them.  The horns are volatile and explosive as well.  This is all explained in a newscast/paid advertising TV session.


6. There is social dissension about the issue: the pro-zombie rights advocates versus the Japan is for the living advocates. 


7. From the political to the gorefest: zombies with chain saws, heroes with bizarre weapons, strange eyes, spewing gore, sudden costume changes.  That's in the first 30 minutes.


8. Kika meets Taku and No-name, the last of the members of the Kamikaze Orphanage.  Taku and No-name hunt for zombie horns, and the money is getting bad.


9. Amazingly, there is formal public debate about whether or not to exterminate the zombies before they exterminate the living. The zombies eventually settle the debate by eating the prime minister.


10. The opening credits start at 49 minutes into the film.  Clever.


11. After the credits, death row inmates are given a chance at having their sentences dropped.  They are to find the woman who is the source of the zombie infestation and kill/destroy/whatever her.


12. Kika is the daughter of the zombie queen, so Kika might be able to help locate her.  They meet a skilled hunter in zombie country who helps them evade the flying heads.


13. There's an effort to rescue No-name's sister Maya, who's been captured and sold at the zombie bar.  Lots of fighting, lots of blood, but this is not the ultimate battleground.


14. How might this turn out?  Will any of our heroes survive?  Will they get the zombie queen?  Will the help promised by the Tokyo regime actually arrive?


3. Conclusions
1. Zombies.  Mysterious power from outer space. Odd politics.  Might be a cult classic.  Absurd mustache.
2. One line summary: The civil rights of zombies discussed during a national blood bath.
3. One star of five.


4. Scores
1. Cinematography: 2/10 Ugly, badly done.  Poor colour, shaky camera, and so on.


2. Sound: 4/10 Out of sync, voice to speech.  Bizarre choices for incidental music.  Subtitles for the jaunty, pleasant singing would have been nice.  Even more ridiculous choices of Western classical music.


3. Acting: 0/10 I did not recognise any acting in this one.  There were many people in the film who were on camera for under 30 seconds, and had few if any lines.


4. Screenplay: 0/10 The timeline is dicey, the characters are not developed in a coherent way, the visuals are poor, and the effect of the thing from outer space on Kika never made sense to me.  The flashbacks are not well organised. Incredibly stupid armour, incredibly stupid mustache, ridiculous amount and presentation of blood splatter, flying heads as ammunition, heads flying with no physical reason for their movement, a stolen heart used as a voodoo instrument, and some of the stupidest fights I have ever seen.  These were all part of the nonsense of the screenplay.  Enough continuity errors to torpedo a hundred films that had any reasonable governance.